Prior to this moment and for quite some time, I had considered letting my gray roots grow. I had no idea what it would look like or even how much of my brown hair would be gray. Anytime I mentioned it to friends, family members, and even my colorist, everyone strongly discouraged me from letting it happen. I heard reactions like: “why would you do that?” or “you’re too young” or “it will age you” or “you shouldn’t let yourself go…”
When the Pandemic hit and hair salons were shuttered and friends were frantically purchasing up store bought dye kits, I started to think, why not now? Let it go gray. It was a good time to try it out: I was stuck in my house, working from home, no friends could see me, and things weren’t so clear on Zoom! People probably couldn’t notice what was happening to my roots. And even if they did, who cared when we had a worldwide health scare forcing us to remain locked down.
So, I let it be. Those first few months weren’t too bad. As I mentioned, no one really noticed the inch or so of gray sprouting at my temples and near my ears. My immediate family was supportive – they thought it was great that I was embracing my natural hair color. And some of my curls started to grow slowly into a cool shade of silver, kind of like stainless steel.
I thought the color itself was pretty, even though it did sort of age my skin and overall appearance. I had silver in parts, dark brown in other areas and an orangish color growing out at the bottom half (attributable to oxidized color that had been on my head for a long time). It wasn’t a great look. After a few months, my Library had opened its doors and I went back to work in person. I suffered a private, albeit mild, trauma, with the silver/brown/orange look going on as I met my colleagues and patrons who I had not seen in person for over three months (three months of gray growth!).
One colleague with a beautiful head of silver hair, professionally styled, loved my transitioning locks. She supported my journey wholeheartedly. I joined a Facebook group, Growing Gray Gracefully, which I found to be surprisingly helpful. Silver haired ladies posting heart emojis and lovely comments in support of each person’s transition to gray.
Once I was back in the Library, patrons reacted to my changing hair color. One loyal patron (who I had interacted with on Zoom during our virtual book discussions) saw me in person one day. She was staring at my hair and said, “Julie, what are you doing?” I responded, “With my hair? Oh, I’m letting it grow to see how it will look gray.” To which she said, “And, now that you see it, why aren’t you dying it?” Ugh! I shrank a little and said, “I kind of like it, I don’t want to dye it anymore, it’s healthier.” Pathetic.
Another patron looked at me for a while, trying to decide whether he remembered me or not and said, “Ohhh, you got old.” In case I was wondering whether the gray has aged my appearance. Another patron, likely in her 80s, saw me and said, “Julie, I don’t like it one bit!” And these are the things people are saying directly to me! I can’t imagine what’s being said when I’m out of earshot!
Now it’s two years later, it’s longer and just about all of the orange is gone. I actually love the mix of silver and dark brown. My curls are thicker, bouncier and kind of appealing. Although it’s been a trying time, there is a bright side. I saw one of my sisters for the first time in a bit and when she saw my hair (color and length) she said, “Oh I love your hair, it looks great!”
While none of the original naysayers have complimented my hair, and when I run into people that I haven’t seen in two years, they pretty much look at my hair and ignore it. I can only surmise that they don’t like it. But one thing I’ve learned during this whole process is, I don’t care about that anymore. I feel good that I’m doing something for me on my own terms. It’s about time!
Comments