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The Independence We Create

In less than one month, my son will be driving – on his own. I facilitated his enrollment in a driver’s education class early last January, to ensure that come December, he would be ready to drive. I also made sure that he took his road test early enough (in September) to allow for extra time should he need to take it again before turning 17. Now that the day is fast approaching, whom do I have to blame for coordinating the moment he sits behind the wheel and drives away, by himself?  ME. 

Yes, that’s right. I’ve been his “right-hand” mom throughout his ever-changing 17 years. You could say that I have been the driver and passenger throughout this uncharted journey, as he traveled from infancy into toddlerhood, childhood and now young adulthood.

Many parents I know do the same thing: hurriedly move their kids along to the next big adventure as efficiently, and as soon as practically possible. We were quick to sign them up for activities and challenges, often before they were ready.  We rushed them, whether anyone realized it or not. It all seemed perfectly fine; most of the time, my son took the next hurdle in stride. He was on hockey skates at age two, in soccer gear at three, baseball at four. He went to sleep-away camp at 9-years-old, played on a serious ice hockey team at age 11, and will be driving the minute he turns 17.

What’s the hurry?  Now I ask?

It’s too late. I see that now and have reflected on whether I could have slowed things down for him, for us. Why did I rush him to the next activity, challenge or achievement, before the paint dried on the one he just accomplished?  They say hindsight is 20/20 and I guess they are right. What would I have done differently, knowing that his days of driving solo are imminent? I might have tried to be more present, paid closer attention to his individual achievements, however small, and reveled in them before looking ahead to the next big thing.


As he drives along local roads with me as his passenger, I realize that I am running out of time to give him some last minute tips on navigating double yellow lines and dotted white lines, a blinking red light and the ever-confusing HOV markings.  How can I be sure he will merge at the right speed and use his signal when changing lanes and not text and drive? So far, I’ve been able to tell him what to do, to direct him on the best path, to ensure that he makes a full stop at that blinking red light. But as the minutes and hours elapse, so too does my hold on my son.

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