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Deferred Resolutions

The time came and went – for me to compile my annual New Year’s Resolutions.  It was strange this year.  As December winded down, I was in sunny (really mostly cloudy) Florida, gearing up for my trip back home – to an impending BLIZZARD.  I’m a claustrophobic, paranoid flyer, but do it and try not to let my fears take over.  So a couple of times a year I get on an airplane, fly somewhere and feel grateful I’ve made it to and from the destination alive. 

About half-way through our Christmas vacation, I started getting news updates from Newsday’s up-to-the second alert system: Snow likely Thursday night into Friday.  (Thursday at 2:23 p.m. was my flight home).  I felt the anxiety rising, creeping up from my stomach into my chest and seeping into my head.  I was lightly saturated with a fear of something that may never happen: flying home in a blizzard. 

So I consciously and deliberately worked to tamp down these fleeting, unfounded fears.  It worked for a bit -- until the next alert popped up on my smartphone (aka “stressphone”).  As each day passed, the alerts came more frequently, clouding my mind and ruining the last couple of actual sunny, warm days we were having in Miami.  Not only did this ruin any chances I had of enjoying myself, but the time was here for considering my New Year’s Resolutions, something I take seriously every late December. 

But I could not concentrate on bettering myself, for fear of the weather.  Yes.  It’s the truth.  I scurried to my smartphone looking for earlier flights, calling automated airline phone systems, frustrated and anxious and annoyed while barking, “I need a representative!” Each calm and poised rep on the phone (probably stationed somewhere warm with no fear of flying into 40 mph winds and driving snow with two kids in tow) told me the same thing: there are no seats for you and your family any sooner than the ticketed seats we had. 

If the flight was cancelled, we had no clear idea of when we would be able to get on another one.  It was a holiday weekend, capping off the biggest vacationing season of the year.  The already scheduled flights must be booked with holiday travelers.  My fellow travelers said, “It’ll be fine, we’ll get on the flight and we will get home.”  Promise?  The final straw in news alerts arrived in my pocket, on my mini-screen saying something like this: “Governor Cuomo may close the LIE in advance of the Blizzard.”  Okay, that was the end of any chance I had of composing my otherwise thoughtful, introspective resolutions.

So I worried and stressed, aggravated everyone traveling with me, and even started worrying some of them. On the day we were leaving, I snapped at another parent’s kid and could barely appreciate the sunny skies and green palm trees as I focused all of my energy on getting us to the airport and on the flight and safely back home.  As we approached our gate, we saw that the flight was 20 minutes delayed.  We were scheduled to land at 5:25 p.m. and the blizzard was scheduled to kick in at 6:00 p.m.  We couldn’t risk another delay -- every minute was sacred. 

As it happens, here I am writing this, home safe and sound.  We landed at 5:45 p.m., drove home on the still-open LIE on snowy, icy roads.  As the days pass and we’re moving in on the second week of January, I think I may have run out of time for any resolution crafting. 


Perhaps number one on my list should be to not worry so much. 

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